I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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