Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
