What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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