YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
