Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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