I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
