please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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