no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
