last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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