Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
