I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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