I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
