I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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