I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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