u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
