Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's get the cat blown out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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