and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Terrible idea I love it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
