the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
