Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
