he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
