So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
