It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
