I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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