Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
