You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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