Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
