And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
