Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
