its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
