how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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