It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
