3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
