Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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