im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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