what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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