my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
