just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
