The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
