i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
