My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
