Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
