Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
