There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
