You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Found the puke drawer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
