Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
