I'm going to jail i love you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
