He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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