glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
