The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You can't special order awesome
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So squirting runs in the family.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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