I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
