I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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