i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
