Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize