I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
