as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
