I want to walk on stilts...naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
