her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
