Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
