Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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