I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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